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Looked outside.....it felt cool...........as I shivered through...
The full moon....majestically giving light........
It felt so peaceful......these emptiness........these stillnesss
As though......I hear my heart beating through every rhythm of my breath...
Suddenly....a tear drop..........and even more........
The sense of yearning  has come to take its place....
Its that phase where you go with the flow and it will be be over soon.....
The weak body has stop reacting to the nasty coughs....
Its as though waiting for the moment to end....
Crudely to say.......it felt like in a movie.......
As I cuddle through this nite.........I wonder if tomorrow will be better......
I wish these yearnings may come to reality one day......
but its just the mind playing games with the heart once again...............
I'm aware of it but let it take control........
The sick mind has lost for now..........It will come back .......................somehow............

the blank moment
the day was as dull as this weak body
the breathing is diffficult and the mind is heavy
i'm wandering away in present time....
thinking of all the nice thinking i should be having and the love of that special someone
but its just a wandering dream
it will never come back but just illusions to keep this sick at bay

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I never wanted to to do anything but to just ramdomly sit down and just stare....my mind is aching from the ways of life around me.....the noises are just too much to handle and yes the dramatic characters that take roles to fend themselves....am just the being between listening and being involved....you are who you are....but I see the whole world revolve around me....I see the big picture....you never understood because you will say I'm crazy.....am as normal as you but its the uniqueness of my mind that I see the whole day pass me by and I'm watching it like a movie.....have you ever wonder when your watching a movie, you suddenly unconcsciously become part of it....Its that feeling....everyday........my daily routine of the customs, office, school and home....Its no more a routine...but a roll of film which never ends.....even when I'm sleeping.....It never ever seemed like one....cuz additional sub plots take control and thats where the nightmare or sweet dreams take place........the sight of life thats taking me in control has never hurt me but put me in perspective...in a weird way....somethings you don't see I can......those which you observe, I learn the details......this is not an illussion nor a game of the mind....Its just the self reaching to its inner soul....creating the orb of feelings and emotions that evolves around the everyday life.....try searching....you never know how deep the soul and mind will interact.............

The loose mind

My wandering mind
The heart beats slower now
It seems that every breath is taking each day away
A sudden sense of loneliness creeps in
A vision of nightmare begins
The fear of cold and pain
The strength weakens but the will keeps fighting
The support is aplenty but the body is weak
The heart yearns but no one hears
The eyes wander but the vision is blur
A sense of confusion but full of assumption
As the day turns dark, the moonlight outshines the shadowy night
It seems ages now to sit and watch the bliss of life
You never know this yearning as it was never told
If i could only have a chance
I'll make full use to tell everything inside
but I know I'll crumble......
Knowing the fact that its just an illusion
Once again the silence of the night takes over
and the voice of day will shatter
Take no pity, for its for the best
As pain induced gives greater pleasure of mind.............