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The Lights and costumes
The Glamour and fame
The Character and theatre
The Director and managers
The Producers and audience

The passion is shown through the ability to withstand all rehearsals, schedules, pressure and expectations.
Its never about YOU but the play or drama mand and at times its also about ratings and MONEY.
The characters lead the stories, guiding through each detailed feelings, emotions and moments.
A sense of belonging is felt among one another.

The theatre is the home where it all begins.
The practise becomes more tough and frequent.
The sleepless nights start to haunt but a sense of comfort reliefs.
The words expressed were clear and true.It's being felt and respected.
The Space creates the ambience of the moment. The pauses in between allows the silence to speak.
The Script sets forth the journey of a beautiful story.
and so.....now I yearn for this journey to begin.....to once again light the fading passion....

aimless thoughts

Looked around the silent night.....
The mean of travelling back and forth..
The tiredness of the body and mind..
but the support of great friendhship..

The need of a wandering mind...
The complexity of the struggle between life and love...
a never ending battle...

The rays of the sun...
a sign of Hope that it will be alright...
It either will or its just preceived mental state so it seems alright...

Nothing much to rant about the self
As its just same old aimless soul where it just goes on and on.......

The heart has been stiched up to make it well,
but the scars will be there to remind..
the matter of reason it yearns....

same old same old.....
if only a stage can replace the world
where characters played have extreme roles
challenging every part of themselves both physically and mentally...

The need to drive the matter out through arts is the abstarct reason of the art itself...

and so the wander continues............

weird.....

Today seemed very awkward...
Just like a normal weekday finishing up assignments......and yet....its just so funny.. this feeling inside....
As if  am missing someone....
I kept asking myself who....but there's no image that comes to mind...

Maybe am feeling the pressure of close friends being in a relationship....
Its been a long time since I felt this way....and this time...there seems to be a certain weight...emptiness.....restlessness.....

Am coming to terms with it now....but I do know it will be a while till it goes....
Maybe it just all the pressure.....or maybe..........I don't know......
I let my mind roam free to find the reason to all this....till then.......

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Looked outside.....it felt cool...........as I shivered through...
The full moon....majestically giving light........
It felt so peaceful......these emptiness........these stillnesss
As though......I hear my heart beating through every rhythm of my breath...
Suddenly....a tear drop..........and even more........
The sense of yearning  has come to take its place....
Its that phase where you go with the flow and it will be be over soon.....
The weak body has stop reacting to the nasty coughs....
Its as though waiting for the moment to end....
Crudely to say.......it felt like in a movie.......
As I cuddle through this nite.........I wonder if tomorrow will be better......
I wish these yearnings may come to reality one day......
but its just the mind playing games with the heart once again...............
I'm aware of it but let it take control........
The sick mind has lost for now..........It will come back .......................somehow............

the blank moment
the day was as dull as this weak body
the breathing is diffficult and the mind is heavy
i'm wandering away in present time....
thinking of all the nice thinking i should be having and the love of that special someone
but its just a wandering dream
it will never come back but just illusions to keep this sick at bay

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I never wanted to to do anything but to just ramdomly sit down and just stare....my mind is aching from the ways of life around me.....the noises are just too much to handle and yes the dramatic characters that take roles to fend themselves....am just the being between listening and being involved....you are who you are....but I see the whole world revolve around me....I see the big picture....you never understood because you will say I'm crazy.....am as normal as you but its the uniqueness of my mind that I see the whole day pass me by and I'm watching it like a movie.....have you ever wonder when your watching a movie, you suddenly unconcsciously become part of it....Its that feeling....everyday........my daily routine of the customs, office, school and home....Its no more a routine...but a roll of film which never ends.....even when I'm sleeping.....It never ever seemed like one....cuz additional sub plots take control and thats where the nightmare or sweet dreams take place........the sight of life thats taking me in control has never hurt me but put me in perspective...in a weird way....somethings you don't see I can......those which you observe, I learn the details......this is not an illussion nor a game of the mind....Its just the self reaching to its inner soul....creating the orb of feelings and emotions that evolves around the everyday life.....try searching....you never know how deep the soul and mind will interact.............

The loose mind

My wandering mind
The heart beats slower now
It seems that every breath is taking each day away
A sudden sense of loneliness creeps in
A vision of nightmare begins
The fear of cold and pain
The strength weakens but the will keeps fighting
The support is aplenty but the body is weak
The heart yearns but no one hears
The eyes wander but the vision is blur
A sense of confusion but full of assumption
As the day turns dark, the moonlight outshines the shadowy night
It seems ages now to sit and watch the bliss of life
You never know this yearning as it was never told
If i could only have a chance
I'll make full use to tell everything inside
but I know I'll crumble......
Knowing the fact that its just an illusion
Once again the silence of the night takes over
and the voice of day will shatter
Take no pity, for its for the best
As pain induced gives greater pleasure of mind.............

I sit and stand, walk and talk look and hear but am still aimless in transition...

i seek your attention, but not your fraction

aku kian lama semakin malas

aku tidak tahu apa sebabnya

kegembiraan ini tidak lagi seperti dulu

semakin lanjutnya usia, semakin berat senyumanya

bagaikan hujan yang turun tidak tahu masa

aku bersantap pada masa yan

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Keresahan sudah mula memelukku,
Kini mula ku sedar kasih and cinta adalah dua kata yang asing,
Bagaikan Bulan sama Matahari..
Beza pada waktu and masa tapi bukan perasaan…
Sekarang tiba masanya untuk memulakan fasa hidup yang baru,
Kegembiraan adakalanya datang dan pergi,
Tapi setiap memori masih segar dalam ingatanku..
Tidak pernah ku lupakan setiap langkah, perkataan ataupun masa yang sudah berlalu,
Karang ku derita sebab ku tidak dapat berjumpa ataupun katakan apapun lagi,
Ku harap masa boleh ubati kesedihan dan jarak ini…
Mengapa jumpa untuk ucapkan selamat tinggal..

Written: 04/07/08

Confusion

Who am I? Who are you? What is our connection? Am I your friend or are we just partners or friends or just mere fuckers? Tell me something that i don’t know..hear me, see me, watch me, touch me, kiss me, clean me, cleanse me, hate me, hug me will you…can you hear me..can’t you see wats happening…Its going all wrong now…everything…every single thing…you know wat i prefer sex, chocolate, liquor and a whole bunch of losers who say they care and are there for you but they don’t..all they do is brag about the goodness of life and the beauty of it all…Is that wat u really need when ur in a shit hole?
I want to seeI want to feelI want to seekI want to hear the cries of silentI want to know wats in your mindI want to know wat ur thinking about meI want to know if you love meI want to know if u hate meI want you to touch meI want you to tear me apartI want you to have me wholeI want you kiss meI want you to sleep beside me and strangle meI want you say I’m crazyI want you to slap me in the faceI want you to feel the pain in my heartI want you to count my scarsI want to hear you speak to meI want you stop time and just spent the silent moment with meI want you to cry andI want to laugh I want to hug you as i strip before my death bedI want my body to give you the best comfort but not the service of lust,i want you admire me but i in return want to love you endlessly, I want I want I WANT..

Written: 16/09/2007

moonlight

I looked up at the sky and you weren’t there…
I felt alone..as thought part of me has left…
I missed talking to you…walking with your light shining over my path….
Its been quite sometime since i really admired you…
I wish at times I can fly over to you and keep you company..
Your light gives me comfort..
Your presence gives me joy…
And when your not around..I feel empty….
My happiest moment is seeing your beautiful full moon…
Its this joy i can’t explain…but I know deep inside…your very special to me..

Written: 14/04/2007

Crave

It you died it would be like my bones have been removed,
No one would know why,
But i would collapse…..

Written: 23/03/2007

Kesunyian yang sepi ini,
Dibilik yang gelap bagaikan maut akan tiba,
Tiada siapa bersamaku yang boleh memahami keadaan ini..
Suatu masa dahulu, keyakinan and kehebatan menyalutiku,
Tetapi semuanya telah pun berubah sekarang…
Apakah maksud hidup ini tanpa inspirasi?
Adakah Manusia di takdirkan sebegini untuk menghayati hidupnya?
Soalan demi soalan boleh ku tujukan tapi jawapannya…….???
Sekarang tibanya masa untuk ku menulis isi hatiku ini…
Aku ingin meninggalkan tempat ini,
Aku inginkan suatu tempat yang indah, aman serta orangku tersayang…
Ini hanya suatu keinginan yang kian mereput…
Biarpun apa jua kejayaan…kegembiraan, keinginanku lemas dalam lurah yang penuh sesak..
Aku ingin terbang tinggi di langit dan tidak ingin pulang…
Aku ingin bebas…….
Bebas bagaikan bidadari yang suci…

Written: 14/02/2007